Lately since I'm so broke I have to cook all the time. But it's cool to know what's in your food cause when you go to some don't always know whats gone on behind the scenes X_x;;...okay let's not think about that.

Anyway. I'm a dork. So I took a picture of the soup I made. I THINK IT"S PRETTY ToT. 


and just for the hell of it iItook a pic of boring looking me too XD NO MAKE UP... the horrorrrrr ToT


Moving Moving Moving

Dad  just told me, that if it's too hard for me to live here that he can get a place in Monteray and I can come live's 6 hours away from here and all my friends would be so far ><

I think I'm gonna try to move to Orange County again definately. I'm gonna see if I can convince him. I wanna be in a safe place, where my friends are nearby AND still be close to L.A.

Well, I'll be out all day tomorrow. I'm going to be in hiding so I can avoid danger over here x_x;
Going to Glendale to DFACS to see about help with food stamps. I hate to move again but I have no choice. It's too dangerous here.

I WANT A HOUSE ~ How do I build a lot of credit real fast O_O


What do you do if you like someone so much but you can't tell them..cause they might not ever talk to you again...and you still wanna be friends with them even if they don't like you back...
I seriously feel non existent here D:...I want a boyfriend....a certain one...that I really think I cannot even have ._.;

I knew that when Haley left me last year that I wouldn't find anybody else. It's been 2 years..

Why should I care right?
It shouldn't bother's just a big deal...

I wanna just disappear...and do away with myself as a person...and just detach from everybody I've ever known and be someone else......

In Control

Let's Meditate <3

I might as well get my hopes up now since maybe theres some chances, some possibilities that SOMETHING could happen XD. *crosses fingers*

Most of the day was recovering from yesterdays overdoing the chocolate urges. I fell asleep on the wrong sofa so it was odd when I woke up XD
The rest of the day was trying to see if someone would show I.D. for Gabi to purchase Yaoi at Otakon (no luck yet X3) finishing making Yun, Jack, and Kyo's name signs (Gotta make Chiyo's Still) and talking to Steph for like 3 hours on the phone XD
That was fun.

Me and mom went shopping and omg I found a Reese's Pencil case <33 it's soft and fuzzy, I lurvez it.

Now I have a Reese's T-shirt AND pencil case. I be pimpin' ma japneggas. v->o<-w !~

Oh, and theres these two books I bought for Pilates/Yoga/Meditation/Stress Relief that'll help a lot with getting my spine back into shape, and then theres a Beauty book XDD. It's really nice, has a lot of information I never knew about hair and skin care *nod*
Really tho.... shouldn't be spending the money seeing business has been on hold for about a month but it starts back Monday, let's just hope I don't go over, but I figured since it's sunday the money won't go through in the bank till monday morning so I have some time XD.
I'm getting U-Verse so my connection shouldn't suck anymore and business will be back running again :3

PLUS THE MAGAZINE PROJECT if anyones interested in helping out with it, i need as many people as possible working on it.
As of now it's an online magazine but once theres enough people and effort being put in, then we can see about publishing it and of course selling copies monthly <3

Well, I am going to go make something to eat and get some sleep.

tata for now :D *waves*


On the other note I ran across this funky chair, it's so cool, I want one!


Busted car with deer on the highway.

It happened around 12 tonight. (It's 4:35AM right now)

The day was going by great and I was actually feeling happy for a change. Applied at Red Lobster for a host job. Just got the air conditioning and tune up and emissions check on the van last week and everything was going great.

Planning our drive back to California next month and guess what happened?

A deer ran into the front side of the car, smashed it and when mom pressed on the breaks, the deer rolled under the vehicle and our engine stopped...

We tried over and over to get it started back up again...but it didn't happen. I felt like running back to find the deer also...I think it died.....we couldn't do anything about it...and I feel guilty about even driving on the road with such a weapon as a vehicle is....

The police came and did an accident report to see if our insurance will cover any of the damage but alas, it will not.

I was crying my ass off because...well I've been wanting things to get better....for much too long...and when things get better, something always happens to stop the process. Like some kind of curse.

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and I can't go get my adjustment or treatment tomorrow because of what the stupid deer did.

Brainless deer. I hate the country and when I am out of the country I will never live in the country again. The city is much more logical. Dangers are more predictable... For me anyway.

I will tell you though I've lived in the country for about 14 years of my life. I hate it still.

I should be thankful though...maybe this happened for a reason.

I've decided, after all the shit I've been through...owning THINGS. Owning just a burden.

You only need yourself and for my part. I'm happy so long as I have my health, my city life, my guitar, computer and drawing tablet.

I am fine with just that.

If we had had a normal car, we would've both died tonight or my mother would have and I would have a concussion and/or brain damage.

I'm selling everything I don't need
That includes my music stuff, my video games, my desktop computer, my toys and all of my store merchandise.

Poor van...When we were coming back to the house in a tow truck (which cost $85 just to drive us 2 miles) I looked back at the van and apologized to it...even though it's not a person, I felt sorry for us.

It has been through a lot with us, it was our roof over our head last year when we were homeless, it got us to Baltimore and back so I could see Yoshiki, it helped us move 13 times (15 times if you want to count the small stuff) last year. It saved us from freezing to death that one morning when it was 19 degrees outside with frost on the windows, if that heater had not worked for us that time, we would've froze to death, we didnt have much clothes to cover up with and the van itself wasn't any form of heat WITHOUT the heater...

Right around Christmas though the knob broke and we had to drive from moms work at night without the was hard...but....I still give thanks to the van.

We're going to have to sell it for less than $6,000 now since it's busted...but I think it's okay to let it go...

I'm ready to let go of it all...cause I'm tired of hanging on like this....all I've wanted for these past years is to simply be home and to be no more games okay life?

Don't play anymore games with me.

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